| One final one. |
[Jun. 20th, 2008|11:25 pm] |
| [ | feelin' |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | let's sing along to |
| | Sacred, Tokio Rose | ] |
tears keep flowing
when i got dropped off, i ran into my room and collapsed into tears.
my heart's so torn, i never thought this would hurt so bad.
let's rewind:
thursday afternoon julie and i went to rj's house to meet up with ken. We hung out with jeremy for awhile then went to the mall where we decided there was nothing to do but go home. jeremy told us ghost stories and urban legends, and we all huddled together in bed listening in awe. at midnight we went to watch 'get smart.'
good movie.
we got home and started playing in the dark with mirrors. it ended in me crying alot.
hahah
man, that night was horrible.
5 people crammed into one small bed !
julie's legs were draped over mine and ken's ass was squished against mine so i couldn't move at all. it was unbearably hot and crowded so julie and i went for a walk around 6 a.m then came back to sleep on the couch until rj left for work.
after awhile of sleeping more comfortably on the bed, watching t.v, and listening to music, jeremy dropped us off at the mall.
ken, julie, and i just walked around all day doing nothing really.
they drew on my backpack
we took memorable pictures
i feel closer to both ken and julie and i sincerely hope they're still here for me when i come back.
i cried throughout the day but i really didn't start feeling any heart ache until julie's mom called. i held her hand for one last time, gripping ken's hand with my other one as hard as i could to contain my tears. we hugged one last time and i waved.
my heart dropped in that second and even thinking about it is making me cry. i turned to hide my face in my hands. never have i felt such heartbreak.
i cried the whole ride back to rj's place.
ken and i toasted
" to everlasting friendship, to julie, to the gum in my mouth!(ken) "
i felt the burn ease it's way down my throat and through out my insides.
a day filled with smoke could only be ended with suck a drink.
you're keeping half of me.
i'll cherish all your gifts, my friends.
my wrist will always be adorned, my heart will always be overflowing with your kindness.
remember, we promised we'd meet again and go to the beach together.
just like my drawing.
i'm sorry too, christine.
TO ALL MY GOOD FRIEND AND TO ALL OF YOU I WOULD JUST RATHER NOT SEE EVER AGAIN,
SO LONG, FAREWELL, GOOD NIGHT, GOOD MORNING, I'M LEAVING SOON.
( i'll only be writing in this blog when i return to VA. expect the link to my new blog later on when i make one ~ ) |
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| sunny skies today |
[Jun. 19th, 2008|06:43 am] |
| [ | feelin' |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | let's sing along to |
| | Durch Den Monsun, Tokio Hotel | ] |
after my step dad left, i ran into my mom's bed the way i had done for so many years.
we talked for a bit and i hid my face in my blanket to hid my tears.
everyone keeps telling me i'm strong so i've got half of me thinking i really am. the other half wants to cry and cry and cry.
i have a feeling i'll be doing alot of crying today.
P.S
it really means so much to me that you're coming down to see me today. |
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| make it work |
[Jun. 18th, 2008|10:07 pm] |
| [ | let's sing along to |
| | ready, set, go, tokio hotel | ] |
all my excitement has turned into anxiety.
i'm ready for these things, i think.
saw allyce and lacey for the last time today.
oh, i saw alexis too.
lacey gave me a going away present.
( these 2 cool bags and a dvd of ne-yo [hahahha])
i was really very touched.
they're the only going away presents i've gotten.
:']
thanks so much, lacey.
"And if our final day has come
Let's pretend to carry on
And if the end has now begun
Live on
Live on" |
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| Es ist nichts Ernstes |
[Jun. 17th, 2008|11:58 pm] |
i want to learn german.
life's bitter sweet right now.
small surprises and nice boys.
i got my eyebrows done for the first time.
ohhhhh, it hurt so bad !
i got my new glasses too
old
new
i'm really looking forward to thursday and friday. HOPEFULLY, EVERYTHING GOES WELL.
oh, my knee's been acting up lately. mom's gotten me a knee wrap, thing, brace, idk. anyways, i have to wear it when i go for my walks ~
i'll take a picture of it's lameness later~ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2008|05:05 am] |
ciccy and i departed for our routine walk around 4:40. she seemed a bit hesitant this morning but i didn't think much of it, we went on as usual. about 10 minutes into the walk ciccy started walking behind me slowly. once we reached a certain point she stopped walking completely and refused to move. i tugged at her leash, urging her to walk, but she wouldn't move. she began to act nervously and tried pulling me away. in my mind i thought she was just being lazy so i pulled back and began a sort of tug-o-war with her, she won when her collar came flying off.
i gave in to her and told myself it was dogs intuition that wouldn't let me walk any farther.
wonderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2008|01:38 am] |
"oh man... i wanna talk to you on the phone... lol"
cute~
oh shit, he really called !
i wonder how much a 15 minute conversation with someone in japan will run you?
ahh well, i don't care and he said he didn't care much either.
i believe if two people can still carry on normal conversations after a year of not seeing each other, they can be friends forever.
feelin' better now.
:]
KEKKON SHITEKUDASAI !? |
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| sorrow |
[Jun. 16th, 2008|07:35 pm] |
i've been very depressed.
haven't slept at night in awhile.
i stay up all night, looking through my stuff, packing, cleaning, just sitting around. then, i go for a walk at 5 a.m and come home to sleep 'round 7/
you said i was strong, though ! >3<
i'll believe you !
won't break.
you'll end my sadness for a day, won't you ?
a small sweet escape.
your thoughts matter so much.
odd how i can't dream of you anymore.
3/4 done with packing and all that's left is figuring out what i want to wear and what i wanna do with my last 4 days.
i must learn to hold in my impulsive nature. overreacting is never fun.
sorry, sorry, sorry.
ahhh well, least i'm forgiving.
BAHHH ! MY MINI TWIN BEAT ME !
OHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'M SO BEHIND !!
^#*$& @(#&@&# %^%@&$( @$&*@( |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2008|11:34 pm] |
kid 1: i'm so glad i got to see you one last time at the bookstore. seriously, it's been wonderful knowing you. thank you so much for befriending me when i didn't know anyone at hylton. SO LONG, FOREVER.
kid 2: you've lost my respect and my friendship. seriously, one day is too much to ask for? i wouldn't mind never seeing you again.
kid 3: i hope you get sunburned at the beach. D:<
kid 4: i really hope i get to see you once more.
i've begun to say my final goodbyes and it's kind of setting in that i'm leaving. it won't fully hit me until i'm in l.a, though.
i need to re-read howls moving castle.
i'm almost done with castle in the air, then i can move onto the house of many ways.
EXCITINGGGGGGGG.
i need to do laundry, give julie a bunch of my stuff, clean my room, finish up my hooman doll. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2008|11:47 pm] |
| [ | let's sing along to |
| | save us, Cartel | ] |
In your face, Julie.
>:DDD
----------
anyways
i wish i could take all your sadness away.
i wish i could makes things all better for you.
i wish i was your guardian angel.
but i can't, i can't, and i'm not.
THUS I WALLOW IN DESPAIR !
7 days until i fly away. |
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| beautiful dreamer, our stars may never align |
[Jun. 12th, 2008|02:15 am] |
disgusting.
i'm wishing away my curves.
ahh, these pessimistic posts are no good.
i can't stop, i can't stop !
i'm filled with so much hate this week, i can't understand why.
i fail as a girl.
it's very difficult to live with myself.
there won't be a going away party, a trip to KD, or a trip to the beach. i've decided to stop trying to make people care about my departure.
i'm not gonna plan shit.
there's no point if everything i bring up is shot down by someone.
i don't care if i see anyone before i leave.
the only thing i want is to make you proud
but,
you'd be so disappointed in me right now.
6:04 a.m-----------
i went for a long jog with my dog and i feel better now.
the smell of my sweat isn't strong enough to make me want to shower yet.
i'll just rot in it for awhile.
thanks for apologizing, it meant alot to me.
and, i'll believe your promises this last time.
i haven't got much of anything to lose anymore.
UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT!
ZETSUBOUSHITA--- |
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polkadot_death's journal
